New Years Resolution: I’m ready to hit my bathroom’s dance floor
After cancelling my personal trainer for the third morning in a row –and paying another FaceTime workout session that never took place, I had an epiphany. I’ve been setting myself for failure in the #GetFit #Goals because I don’t function like the majority of women period.
The revelation hit me like a meteor truck: if throughout my life I’ve always despised waking up early and undergoing rigorous exercise routines, but have loved to stay up late and to improvising deliriously free dance moves, why am I working out like the rest of the neurotypical population?
That’s how I came up with a sensibly tailored regime to burn fat, get fit and throw myself a party every single night in my own home. The plan mainly encompasses one enjoyable notion: to get fit, I will dance strenuously — not daily but nightly, for an hour, in front my bathroom’s unforgiving full length mirror. I will become my own dance partner, and “together” her/she and I, will incorporate athletic moves, guzzle one liter of tap water and get wild to the tune of great songs and the psychedelic lights of my bluetooth speaker. And afterwards, we will shower, apply full body lotion, and go bed.
In an extra spark of common sense I masterminded a last minute tweak to the program: I will dance naked. Totally naked. Not just a fun bold move, but a smart one too. My strategy is to empower my weak flabs and buddying cellulite to organically become my new drilling coaches. In a matter of seconds they will muscle me into total work-out submission scaring me off unfitness. (Who’s more equipped than my own jiggly ass to inspire me to squat buttressed by Bad Bunny’s “Yo Perreo Sola?”)
Additionally, dancing would take care of the usual 10 trigger questions that affect my workout punctuality, moreover the chances of getting started at all. I don’t have to ponder about : What should I wear? Where’s the other sock? Where’s my phone? Where’s the mat? How does it smell? Is there more Fabreeze? Did we buy that pricy Lysol? Has anyone seen my phone? Why did I purchase this weird deodorant? Who wore my adidas? Can someone call me? I can’t find my phone… You get the idea.
Dancing naked, in front of a mirror, every night for one hour, is an obviously smart, groundbreaking cost effective idea to burn calories and anxiety, and simultaneously achieve something cool before brushing one’s teeth and ending up the day.
I’m starting tonight. My hypothesis is : “In a month I will lose at least 5 pounds and feel firmer, happier and more energized”. We’ll see. You’ll know.